Alive but Gone
by freewolf17
Summary: Bella's and Rod's thoughts on the past events. My version of what I think happened. Just a little something that I came up with while I was sick. So... I hope you like it!
1. Prologue: It Was the Dark Mark No Us

Bellatrix's POV

Andromeda left, married a mudblood. I hate her for leaving, for betraying. Sirius left, he betrayed us. I didn't care. I hated him. How could he do this to us after what Andromeda left? At the same time... I'm glad they got out.

I was proud as I watched Regulus be branded with the Dark Mark. When I heard he had died trying to get out I felt nothing but disgust for the boy, for the coward. But... It was my fault... I should have looked after him better. I should never have introduced him to this world. It's my fault...

Sirius. I saw him as he passed my cell. Why was he here? Like that filthy blood traitor would do something bad enough to get here. Word later traveled from cell to cell about why he was here. God did they make a mistake, it was Peter, I know it was. He escaped. I paid no attention to him as he walked by in his animal form. No I didn't see him. It was just something I knew, something I felt. Intelligent little brat. I killed him. I killed him. What else is there to say? I killed that filthy blood traitor, I couldn't kill the spawn of Andromeda, though. But one must take what one gets. I didn't mean to though. It was a stunning spell, he fell into the veil! It wasn't my fault! I didn't mean to! He fell!

Draco. He was branded like Regulus, same age, different circumstances. Regulus by choice, Draco by force. As far as I know Draco is alive. Thank God.

Nymphadora. I hated her. She was living proof her mother left the family. I wanted her dead. She was and had what I could never have. What the Dark Mark didn't allow any female Death Eater to have. It killed all six children of mine before they were even born! It killed Alecto's baby before it was born as well, though out of wedlock her child may have been, it wasn't fair! I didn't kill her intentionally but yet I did. I shot a Killing Curse at her but I aimed it at the wall behind her. It ricocheted off a suit of armor and killed her.

I taunted Molly Weasley on her child's death. Why though? She felt the pain I did. The loss of a child. I felt it six times. She felt it once. But I knew so why...? She killed me physically but I was already dead mentally and emotionally. I felt nothing but pure insanity. Death was the best thing anyone could have given me. I wanted to say 'thank you' to Molly but there wasn't enough time.

Rodolphus's POV

We were friends since childhood. We never let anyone know though. He was my best friend. We were never caught, until two nosy girls in our year saw us together; Bellatrix Black and Alice Freespell. They wouldn't rat us out, they were secrete friends too. If my family knew I was friends with Frank Longbottom and her family knew she was friends with Alice Freespell; we'd be disowned faster than you could say 'wand'.

We kept our friendships a secrete. We snuck out over the summers to hang out in Muggle places, and during the school year we'd go to the Shrieking Shack, which at the time was just an abandoned shack that no one paid attention to. We were never caught and our friendships remained strong throughout our school lives. But things aren't meant to last.

None of us ever thought about our after school lives. We had all long since planned to pretend to be Pure Bloods but sneak information to the Order. But... The second we were branded the Dark Mark took over us. It was nearly impossible to fight. We had rare moments when we knew exactly what we were doing. But mostly it was, to use the Muggle expression, like being on auto pilot.

The Dark Lord had given us orders to dispose of Alice and Frank however we pleased. He couldn't know... Could he? My Bell and I were able to gather some sanity and control. We'd fake their deaths so they could be free. But when we got there...

Alice and Frank... We never meant to. It wasn't us, it was the Dark Mark.

Flashback

Bella blasted the door down and we swiftly made our way to the living room.

"Bella, Rod, did you two forget how to knock?" Frank joked, but his expression changed the instant they saw we weren't alone. Frank instantly stunned Barty Crouch.

"Bella, Rod, what's going on?" Alice asked nervously while she placed Neville in a play pen.

"Lord Voldemort wants you three dead." I said gravely.

"We heard rumor about it." Alice said.

"And he wants us to do it." Bella said. She looked at Neville, our godson, as he banged two blocks together giggling.

"I figured that much." Frank said. "Rough us up a bit then. Make it look like there was fight."

"We can't do that, Frank." Bella said. "Once we start the Dark Mark will completely take over. We won't be able to control our own actions! I won't hurt you! I've hurt too many people, I won't add you two to that list!"

"CRUCIO!" I shouted pointing my wand at Frank, he withered in pain. _Don't lose control! Don't lose control!_

"We'll be fine!" Alice snapped. "Just do it!"

Bella raised her wand, her entire body was shaking. "Alice I don't think I-"

"Bella! IF YOU DON'T DO IT NOW I'LL DO IT TO MYSELF!" Alice shrieked.

"C-crucio!" Bella said, it couldn't have been clearer Bella didn't want to do this.

Alice winced. "COME _ON_ BELLA! YOU CAN DO BETTER THAN THAT!"

"CRUCIO! CRUCIO! CRUCIO!" Bella shrieked, I could see the terror in Bella's eyes. _Oh God! She's lost control already! _I was frozen in place. _Move dam it! _"Alice! Help me! I can't-! CRUCIO!" Alice struggled to her feet and grabbed Bella's wand, trying to wretch it from her grasp. Bella was trying her hardest to fight the Dark Mark, but it was winning. "CRUCIO!"

It hit Alice in the temple. That was it. She was gone. Alive but gone. That was all Frank could take, he was gone. Alive but gone.

_What have we done? _

Bella was in tears. "Alice... A-Alice...?" She shook an unconscious Alice.

"Bella we have to go! Bella!" I grabbed her wrist, she looked up at me. They weren't her eyes. She was gone, but not in the same way as Alice and Frank. Alive but gone.

End Flashback

That was it. The day we truly lost everything. Our childhood friends, they lost their sanity and we lost ours. Each of us in our own way. But... It wasn't us... It was the Dark Mark. It took our world away. Our friendships. Our children. In this world... None of us stood a chance. Three out of four of us were alive but gone.


	2. Save a Life, Friends for Life!

Bellatrix's POV

I lay face down on the floor, I didn't feel it. The floor was simply there.

Part of me never wanted to get up but it felt unnatural to just lay here. I stood up slowly, I was naked, how embarrassing. _Dam, I really wish I had a dress right now..._

I took a step forward, my foot brushed against something. I looked down, a jade green dress had been neatly folded until I almost stepped on it. I slipped it over my head. I didn't feel it the dress was simply there. I looked around. Kings Cross Station. I knew the place so well...

Flashback

I was eleven, proud, arrogant and above all a stuck up bitch. I looked down at everyone, even the Seventh Years. When it was time to say good-bye to my sisters and cousin I showed some emotion. I hugged each of them in turn, not holding one any longer than the other; Sirius was last.

"Promise to find some cool stuff for me?" A three year old Sirius asked me. I smirked a this. Sirius was young but he was as I was. A trouble maker in the making. God knows what kind of Hell I'd give Hogwarts and Sirius would most likely be my successor there.

"We'll see." I gave the little one a wink.

Andromeda, nine, shook her head at this, uptight Meda, never took a risk Meda, stick to the rule book Meda. One day she would break the biggest Pure Blood rule of all. Ironic isn't it?

Seven year old Narcissa glanced back at our parents nervously. If they got so much as one letter from the School that I was causing trouble I'd be dead! So... I just won't get caught... And I never did.

The whistle blew once more.

"Bellatrix Black get your ass on that train now!" I heard my mother yell. _Bitch._ I never liked her much but she was my mother never the less.

I waved to my sisters and cousin before I threw my trunk in the open door and literally jumped on the train at the last second. Some of the younger kids at Platform 9 and 3/4 laughed and applauded at this. Sirius was rolling with laughter, Meda was covering her mouth with her hands to keep from laughing, Narcissa was in a fit of giggles. This is what I love, making them laugh and making them happy. I did a fleeting bow.

"BELLATRIX!" My father shouted angrily as the train speed off. I laughed and waved good-bye to the people on the Platform as the train sped out of the station. I was still leaning halfway out after the door even after we were out of the station. I inhaled the fresh air. _I'm on my way. I can't believe it! YES!_

I lost my grip on the side of the door. _NO!_ I was too scared to scream. I could see the Headlines now.

'Young Girl Dies on the Way To Hogwarts!'

"Eleven Year Old Bellatrix Black Dies in Freak Accident!'

Everything seemed to move in slow motion. Suddenly I felt something grab the back of my robes, I choked slightly against the collar. I fell backwards and onto something hard. I heard both me and my savior panting.

I stood up shakily to see who had just saved my life. A girl, my age. Her face was rather round but the kind that made someone look pretty, not fat. Her hair was a light brown, lighter than Meda's. Her hazel eyes were still filled with fear and shock.

"T-thank you." I said holding out a shaking hand to help her up.

"Y-you might wanna close the door first. Just in case..." She replied propping herself up on her elbows.

"Right..." I mumbled. I turned around and shut the door, being careful to lock it.

I held my hand out to her once more. This time she took it. "I'm-"

"Bellatrix Black." She said. "I kinda heard your parents yelling at you."

"Oh... Right..." I rubbed my upper arm. The girl who had been so proud, arrogant and above all stuck up bitch was gone. I had learned humility.

"I actually thought what you did was kinda cool." the girl said shaking her shoulder length hair out of her face. "I could never have the courage to do that."

"What the _Hell _are you talking about! You saved my life! That took plenty of courage in deed." I crossed my arms stubbornly.

"Thanks..." She looked down. _No self confidence._"I'm Alice. Alice Freespell." She didn't extend her hand. "You don't have to. I understand your family's views. Don't agree with it but I understand."

I gripped her hand tightly, we shook. "I think I can make an exception." I smiled. "After all when one witch saves another's life... They form a bond."

Alice smiled widely. "Come on I'm the only one in my compartment. And it would be a rather lonely ride."

I grabbed my trunk and followed Alice. _If my family knew about this I'd be dead! But besides Alecto, Alice is my only real friend..._

Alice knew a lot about Muggle stuff. She rambled on and on about it. I was actually kinda interested. I went from being a complete Pure Blood Freak to a... Well normal kid in less than an hour! Alice pulled out some weird little box from her trunk, there were some odd strings coming from it and some earmuffs.

"What's that?" I asked.

"This? It's a Cassette Player." Alice shrugged. "What you've never seen one before?"

"I've seen Muggles with them but I never knew what they were."

"Come here." Alice adjusted the earmuffs so that they were larger. "Press your head close to mine."

_Okay weird..._ But I did so anyway. She put the earmuffs over both of us, it was a tight fit but it worked. "Okay so now what?" I asked feeling awkward.

She pressed a button on the Cassette Play and music began to play loudly in my ear. "Like it?" Alice asked a bit loud so I could hear her over the music.

"Yeah! Who is this?"

"Who is this? It's Elvis Presley! The King of Rock and Roll!" Alice exclaimed.

We listened to several other Muggle musicians on the way to Hogwarts. Chubby Checker, The Drifters, Johnny Preston, Shirley Bassey... The list was endless.

We were in the middle of listening to 'Jailhouse Rock' by Elvis Presley.

"The warden said hey buddy don't you be no square.

You can't find a partner use a wooden ch-"

The music suddenly stopped.

"What just happened?" I asked.

"Battery died."

"What?" I raised my eyebrow.

"The power source ran out." Alice said simply. "Either that or we're close to Hogwarts."

I looked out the window. It was dark. "Wow. That went fast." I blinked.

"Time flies when you have fun." Alice said wrapping up the wire around the Cassette Player.

"I know I'll get sorted into Slytherin." I said.

"I have no idea where I'm going."

"Gryffindor. The way you jumped in and saved me. You have to go there."

"But... What'll happen... I mean Slytherin and Gryffindor are feuding houses... We won't be able to be friends..." Alice looked at her hands. "You'll get disowned if you go anywhere but Slytherin... And no matter what we won't be able to be friends anymore..."

I bit my lip. I couldn't lose the friend I had just made so easily. "So we'll keep it a secrete." I held up my pinky for a pinkyk swear. "Friends no matter what?"

She linked hers with mine. "Until the end of time."


	3. Hiatis Sorry

Dear Readers,

Sorry to say this my friends but this fic is on Hiatus due to me fitting the saying 'Dingy Blond' and thinking i could take on so many different stories at once. So this fic is on pause for a while. I will continue to write chapters for it but they won't go up until I think I can handle the story again. I truely am sorry...

Please I beg of you to be patient! I will update as soon as I can. I swear on my dream of being an author! Thank you all for understanding.

With Authorly Love,

Freewolf17


	4. The Letter

Dear Readers,

For months, hell, over a year now, this account has been asleep. Assaults by writers block and uncertainty of where to go with many of my stories was the main causes of this. It is with a heavy heart that I say from this moment onward 'Freewolf17' will no longer be updating her works onto . Rather, she has decided that it is time to leave behind this account feeling that it is like the footprints one leaves behind them on a journey. It began seeming so bright; with every paragraph that was churned out it seemed to have been crafted in the most delicate gold. I look back now in reflection and see the exposition of the expedition for what it really was. It was struggle, it was exhilarating, it was enlightening, it was this and that and so much more.

However, the past began uphill, blinded with arrogance. Every footfall coated my feet with mud and pricked them with lay hidden beneath the surface. I read the writing in nostalgia but it soon settled in at disappointment at how foolish I was when everything started. I see what I can do now and what I have evolved into. Yes, this accounted did glow with the promise that I could become a great writer and that moon has eclipsed into darkness. Now, a new era of my passage will begin and many old tales I have penned will have a new chance under a new name: Mabushii Mikazuki, a shinning new moon.

Sincerely,

And for the last time With Authorly Love,

Freewolf17


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